tired=overthink=philosophical me

I like being in somewhat of a daze. it's an altered state of happiness in a way.
id like to parallel montreal weather with moods recently. It's undecided: snow/rain/sun/ice/rain/sun/snnnnow....
peaceful/sad/happy/tense/sad/happy/peaceful.

My streak of revelations continues. feeligns of disgust twds yourself and an individual (b/c of the individual) is a fonction asymptotique (i will submit a graph tonight). But it's only applicable once you start giving up some trust. which for some people isn't easy. and once that trust is betrayed, it takes some superhuman efforts and will to regain it, for any human being.
Everybody has their own way with dealing with these kind of things. There are rebounds, depression, fact social life, too much work, but ultimately it comes back to same thing: trying to forget teh question taht haunts WHY.

Second revelation: times have changed. we are subject to more things, want more things, are never satisfied with what we have. it's relatively easy to try and forget your past, put it all behoind you. but theres no challenge in that. it's much more gratifying to use our power of change than our power to start over. mistakes happen.

third: in teh same vein as teh precedent. with moving around and wanting to find more stuff, we stop acknowledging what we do have. and then have to come to terms with realizing that we might have lost it, at least until you decide to settle again. i mean how are you spossed to maintain healthy/strong relationships if you move ever couple of yrs, especially if there's no home base.
Once again it's all a question of will, and strength of heart.

to class.

blah

well im back to the dream yet doesnt work point.
perhaps I am too optimistic. hum, somehow that doesn't sound right coming from me lol. what I mean is that I have no faith in the human race, yet I have faith in the select few that I love, and I think that they will be treated in the way they should.
but i guess we all make mistakes.
I love some people that I instinctively know I shouldn't love, yet I can't really explain. Then there are those I strive to love, but then theres disappointment.
Then there are teh mistakes, even though there's no love.
or mayb there was budding love, and the fact that we made such a mistake hurts us more than the fact that it doesn't go anywhere. that doesn't make complete sense, but it does.

"tu etais presque belle, j'etais pas loin d'etre fidele."
- Cali, Je m'en vais (d'apres Miossec)

oh Tim Burton

Nicholas H. Pierce made my day: he played “Tony” in “West Side Story”, which means that he sang “Maria” in front of many ppl. Oh little tenor Nicholas.
On Thursday, I got to defouler myself a bit at Queleuleu. Unfortunately, when it comes to rap, of any era, I’m pretty much clueless and somewhat incapable of pulling off a jig. I… just can’t listen to it. I know the basics, but blaaaaah.
Friday, I actually was able to connect with class, though I only had 4ish hrs of sleep: and then I went to Chapters for bout 2 hrs… oh bookstores. Got the Virgin Suicides (FINALLY) and am enjoying every word of it.
Afternoon was peaceful, and then … SLUMBER PARTY!!!!
And what a slumber party it was. Dancing, SPICE WORLD, Clueless….
Secured a job with a nice Bulgarian lady, for 5 jobs. Her daughter was cute, but she’s quite the terror I believe. We had lovely 2hrish convo about political views, stories of immigrants and life in general. Key topics: adapting, securing a home, socialism, communism…. Oh wonderful J.
Afternoon was laundry and oh so lovely reading/sleep.
Finally got to the video rental: scrubs (oh thank you jessica’s friends) and then, well now, Ed Wood. “Imagine what that crap would be with a star?” “Crap with a star.”
I know that I’m tired, b/c I’ve been dizzy for the past 3ish days. Very awkward feeling, very light and dizzy, yet not necessarily capable of sleeping.
Also on my mind: how skewed girls views are. And quite possibly guy’s.
Why is it that we create scenarios of things that could happen. And then they don’t and we can’t understand how. And then you can’t find answers unless you harass, or you just feel stupid cuz you create little mystical things.
But we’re not stupid, you will never get anywhere in life if you don’t dream. But then again falling down over and over again is just a mind boggling, soul tearing disaster that makes the hill steeper and steeper to get back up.What makes me sad, is the people who taught me to get back up and dream are starting to loose their dreams… and that’s just not allowed to happen.

Ch-ch-changes!

First comes the bed:


OH GLORIOUS BED! HOW I DO LOVE YOU SO!!!!!







Next comes my life. hmmm... life after bed, v college student like.
So yes: busy busy bee I am. McMUN is 1 week away: lots to be done, paging (ie reading love/hate/steamy notes between delegates), staff room, and PR (mayb ill be in the newpaper!!!).
Classes are fun: i got to draw skeletons, and im tempted to say im assez douee. but i wont toot my own horn, at least not too much.
Internship: I might have the sweetest deal ever. but im not gonna get too too excited til its a little more official.
so off to my paintings (and one of mikes):

i think its obvious which ones are mine lol.



yes: i have become a pseudo artist-eh.



NEW SURPRISE: after the pink hair.....


THE SHORT HAIR: thank you to missy ariana, for doing a voderfool job!









and last but not least: I officially detest Montreal on this day of January 18, 2006: sleet ice and rain.
disgusting. positively absolutely disgusting.

Paul Rusesabagina

last night, a friend came online with great news,"Guess who's giving a lecture at concordia tmw evening?"
I, in my natural state of constant frenzy that leads me to say inconsistent things, immediately shout out the obvious correct answer,"HENDRY!"
[Editor's note: I have a somewhat scary obsession with Andrew Hendry, a bio prof who is married and has a kid]
The worst part is that I wasn't kidding.
Unfortunately, or fortunately actually, that was an incorrect answer: instead it was Paul Rusesabagina who was presenting his story.
And oh how lucky I was this evening to get in. Randomly arriving at 630, the line had already attained the corner.
By 7, it was all the way up to Sherbrooke and still growing.
Inside, I waited a long time. got sleepy; but twas worth it.
Rusasebagina is a good speaker. Keeps it simple, v anecdotic, and with a message at the end.
I loved the clapping and whooting when he started bitching bout the super powers.
Question and answers:
one man, a rwandan apparently, told him that he doesnt do enough for his country. But, he said in his talk that we need to stand up ofr others now as well as rwanda. What is the poor guy spossed to do? he already saved 1268 people in the original chaos, and informs and makes people "witnesses".
I personally think that's better than what most people do.

My pride, ie my bed, will soon have its own posting. Just cuz it's so cute and pretty.

I declare pinkdom

Yes! finally done. I have pink hair. it was a necessary step for me to enter pinkdom.
big dilemma of the week: masters swim team or triathlon team. either way, i wanna m'y mettre a fond, im tired of not having a real hobby.
and im believing in me: the places im gonna ask for an internship at are gonna be out of this world!
room needs to be cleaned. tis a pit. but i have a bed! yes! bedframe!
piggies are huge. daisy purrs when i pinch her fat....
tmw first dissection, ill take pics and make sure that everybody gets to join in the fun!

Montreal

Actually this is not just bout montreal.
recap of vacation: lots of sickness, a lot of reality checks, reminders of change, closure.
other than that, a cute kid at virgin who asks for a copy of victor hugo's "les miserables". he was a forth grader and wanted to do it for a book report. oh the motivation of those youngins.
schedule for those who are interested:


MWF 1035-1125 Biol 205
MW 405-525 Envr 301
TTh 905-955 Biol 305
1005-1055 Biol 352
1135-1255 Envr 203

Labs
M 105-355 Biol 352
T or Th 205-455 Biol 305

Knowing that
Biol 205 Biology of Organisms
Biol 305 Animal Diversity
Biol 352 Vetebrate Evolution
Envr 301 Environmental Research Design
Envr 203 Knowledge, Ethics and Environment

Now this doesnt inclde my other plans: securing an internship, MUNing, and im still desperate to get a job tho it seems as confusing as ever...

I had more to say but i seem to have forgotten, perhaps will it come back in late afternoon, after my first lasses of the term. whoopie!

New Year Poo

New yrs is not a happy time. it should be i guess, but tis not.
Youb end a yr: mayb you havent done everything you wanted to, perhaps nothing went the way it was spossed to, or even it didnt seem like a year, was inconsistent, or even worse, meant nothing.
You start a new one: without any hopes, dreading the future, wondering why the past is past, or even worse, not caring.
It should be happy because you get to see things that you never have befre, you can change stuff, you can be more active, you can pretend a new start... or simply keep trucking, knowing that a bad streak has to end sometimes. But whatever it is, something is dead. and i hate dying a little bit inside. its a painful and devastating experience.
yes im back off to montreal. no i dont know when ill see people again. no i dont want to forget them, loose them or find others to replace them, yet thats what ppl seem to find inevitable.
i love trying to avoid the inevitable.
i owe that to some ppl.