New Year Poo

New yrs is not a happy time. it should be i guess, but tis not.
Youb end a yr: mayb you havent done everything you wanted to, perhaps nothing went the way it was spossed to, or even it didnt seem like a year, was inconsistent, or even worse, meant nothing.
You start a new one: without any hopes, dreading the future, wondering why the past is past, or even worse, not caring.
It should be happy because you get to see things that you never have befre, you can change stuff, you can be more active, you can pretend a new start... or simply keep trucking, knowing that a bad streak has to end sometimes. But whatever it is, something is dead. and i hate dying a little bit inside. its a painful and devastating experience.
yes im back off to montreal. no i dont know when ill see people again. no i dont want to forget them, loose them or find others to replace them, yet thats what ppl seem to find inevitable.
i love trying to avoid the inevitable.
i owe that to some ppl.